Song for my Sons

Song For My Sons by Sara Groves

This is a song for my sons for when they understand it
You know how life is full you know we couldn't plan it
your dad and I prayed for strength and understanding
for things we couldn't see or comprehend

This is a song from my heart a small refrain to hold you
for times when we're apart and I cannot console you
I can't say your life will always go like it should
but I can say that God is always good

and when the cold wind blows like I know it will
and when you feel alone like I know you will
and when the cold wind blows like we know it will

Don't let your love grow
Don't let your love grow
Don't let your love grow cold

This is a song for my sons for when they understand it
You know how life is full you know we couldn't plan it
your dad and I prayed for strength and understanding
for things we couldn't see or comprehend

This is a song for you, to carry in your pocket
take all our love with you in all the paths you walk in
Be honest with yourself and don't forget to pray
and read your Bible everyday

and when the cold wind blows like I know it will
and when you feel alone like I know you will
and when the cold wind blows like I know it will

Don't let your love grow
Don't let your love grow
Don't let your love grow cold

This is a song for my sons for when they understand it
You know how life is full you know we couldn't plan it
your dad and I prayed for your strength and understanding
for things you cannot see or comprehend

Thoughts

I can't count the number of times I've said over the last 8 weeks, "I CAN'T do this." Usually it's when, simultaneously, Caleb is in full two-year-old mode and Levi won't sleep. (Don't be surprised if you come to our house and Caleb says, "I sittin' in the naughty chair." He's been there A LOT lately!)

But things are getting better day by day. I finally feel like I'm starting to get the hang of this "parent of two children" business. It's hard. And it's much more than double the amount of work! But it's good, and I'm loving being the mom of two boys. "My two sweet boys" I call them all the time.


Levi is finally feeling up and breathing much better. Thank you all for your prayers for us over the last four weeks. It's been a long month of sickness, but I think we've finally turned the corner!

An Attempt At An Update

I'm so tired I can hardly form coherent thoughts lately, but I'll try to write something so when my mom clicks over here, she sees something new (and all of you as well). Literally, my brain is so mushy I can't have a conversation without saying, "what's that word...?" :-) I don't know why pregnant women can't sleep well; it just seems mean because I'm not going to be sleeping at all in a month, so I need all I can get now.

So, here's what's going on over here in bullet form. As I mentioned above, narrative form would just be too hard right now.

• I'm not sleeping. ::sigh::
• I'm READY for my husband to come home NOW. Thankfully, we have less than a week left.
  
• I'm having Braxton-Hicks contractions like crazy. Every time I stand up, my belly gets rock hard. It's not painful, but pretty uncomfortable.
• I told Levi that as soon as his daddy gets home, he's free to make his appearance at any time. Scheduled c-section or not. I'm READY.
• My sister and I have had several conversations about how she never reached this stage of pregnancy where she was uncomfortable all the time and was ready to NOT be pregnant. It's because she had a FOUR-POUND BABY. In JANUARY.
• I'm not one of those women who really enjoys being pregnant. I just don't feel good when I'm pregnant, especially at this stage. My mom and my sister both say they missed being pregnant after they had their babies. I do not feel that way.
• Caleb is watching way too much TV lately since it's stinking hot outside, and, well, all the reasons above.
• He can officially count to ten now. It freaked out the nursery worker at church a couple of weeks ago. She was like, "who's counting?" since all the kids in there are between 1 and 2 years old.
• Since his daddy has been gone, Caleb has cut two teeth and become quite the little sassy-pants. He's gotten in trouble lately for telling me "NO" when asked to do something. And one of his favorite words is "mine," said in a sassy little way. I've tried hard not to even say that around him; I don't know where he picked it up. I wish it would go away.

When I summon more brain power, I'll try to write something more interesting and maybe even more uplifting. Let's all hope!

Encouragement

JMom at Lots of Scotts has written a poignant post that encourages those of us "in the trenches" of mothering little ones.

Here's an excerpt:

"The truest stories of heroism and grace of God are found in the walking (sometimes trudging) through the day-to-day, unpredictable challenges of life.

We are called to live with an eternal perspective, with our eyes fixed on "things above," yet the reality is that Moms of little ones spend a lot of our day wiping poopy bottoms, cleaning toilets and dirty floors, trying to shape and mold character of people who still fall apart over spilled milk and the wrong kind of cookies.

What would it look like if we could pray for the ability to REALLY view this all as work for the glory of God? I am going to try. Care to join me?"

Lately I feel like every day there is an unpredictable challenge and the rest of the time I'm dealing with predictable challenges!

Read her whole post here.

Am I On Candid Camera?

The same day the baby book incident happened, so did all of these things:

1) closed Caleb's hand in the van door, the crying of both of us ensued
2) dropped ice cream on the front seat of the new car while rescuing Caleb, more crying (I cried because I was tired and hormonal and Caleb cried because I was crying)
3) as I'm changing Caleb's diaper and talking to my sister on the phone, heard Caleb saying, "dirty diaper" as he was wiping his poop-covered hand on the wall behind the changing table
4) cleaned up an entire glass of lemonade Caleb dumped on the living room carpet

all in a day's work for a mommy, right?

I asked Justin to bring home dinner that night because I really couldn't take any more. :-)

...and what's the fascination with kids and the dog's food & water bowls? I can't keep Caleb out of them if the laundry room door is open. He wants to put things in the water (like dog food or himself) or throw dog food everywhere.

Trip to the Library (or What Was I Thinking!)

This morning, after laying on the couch for an unknown amount of time trying to recover from a poor night's sleep, I told Caleb it was time to go to the library. I needed to pick up a couple of books on preparing for a c-section that I had requested, and I wanted to get him a few books as well. "Let's go read some books at the library!!" We were both excited at the prospect of getting out of the house and staying in the air-conditioning.

I had visions of reading and sitting and quietness and reading and bonding and reading in my head as we drove the few miles to the library. It must be the pregnancy-induced mental craziness that made me think any of those things might happen. Anyone who's spent, oh, two seconds with my almost 22-month-old could have given me a big whack on the forehead for even envisioning such peace and tranquility.

So.

I underestimated the pandemonium that is the children's section of the library before noon in the middle of the summer. I'm so naive.

I spent the 30 or so minutes we were at the library chasing Caleb and trying to keep all the books on the shelves on the shelves. The three most exciting things to him were 1) the balloon behind the desk (oh.the.obsession.with.balloons!!), 2) the soccer ball sitting atop of the shelf of sports books, and 3) the turtle pillows in the back corner. When we found the turtle pillows, I was just glad to have a moment where I wasn't trying to pry him off a shelf or run faster than him to prevent any mishaps. You can see that the visions of reading and bonding and peace were dismissed as soon as we opened the library door.

I tried to walk him back over to the board books and attemp to find a few books that would interest him, but he would have no part of that. He wanted to touch all the babies and play with the toys other kids were playing with.

I decided that was enough, um, reading, and quickly grabbed a Thomas train book on our way to the reservation shelves. I found the two books I had requested and then attempted to wrangle Caleb into STANDING.IN.LINE for 5 or 50 minutes (what's the difference when you're almost two years old?).

I'll just hold to the fact that it's good for him to even be exposed to the library, right?

Reading? Maybe another day.

Scheduling My Child

I am feeling better, if you couldn't tell by the increase in posting around here! :-) Thank you for your prayers and calls and emails. I'm still not where I was in my second trimester with Caleb, but things are definitely looking up! That is a GOOD thing.

I was reading an old post of Katherine's today, which she linked to in this current post. It's about scheduling toddlers. I have fought this so hard. I feel pressure to get Caleb involved in gymnastics and swim class already. Sure it would be fun and it would get us out of the house, but I really hesitate to start scheduling activities for him already. He's only 19 months old, for pete's sake. AND, we're about to add a baby to the family, which would curtail all scheduled activities while mommy recovers and we all adjust to the new addition.

Am I alone in thinking we can start too early with the scheduling? I know gymnastics classes are harmless, but when does it stop?

I just want to enjoy my baby while he's a baby. We can play gymnastics in the living room...Caleb does every single day. We can play soccer in the back yard and be creative at the kitchen table (eating play-doh is the new favorite thing around here). Hey, we can even go for a walk down to the pond and feed the ducks. (Now that mommy's feeling better!)

I know not everybody feels this way. We all have different approaches to parenting. I just want to enjoy this time that Caleb is young and not be stressed out from trying to make it to this or that activity. On time. With a toddler.

Thoughts, anyone? (I'll step down off my soap box now.)