So many of you have emailed or called to see how I'm doing. I really appreciate it. I've been amazed at the support I've gotten from everyone. It was encouraging for me to get such a positive response from my last post and hear how many other women have struggled through this same thing. One of my goals in therapy was to blog about this journey, and my therapist was so pleased to hear how supportive everyone had been. It's scary to put yourself out there like that!
Things are better around here. I've actually been able to do things like run errands, keep the house straight (until I got sick this week!), and be engaged with the kids. These seem like small things, but they have been HUGE things for me. Breakthroughs for sure!
It's still a struggle some days to make myself do the things I absolutely don't feel like doing, but it is getting better. I haven't had a day where I cried off and on since I started the medication and therapy. That is a huge blessing. My emotions have evened out, and I'm starting to feel "normal" again.
Through my therapy and my own self-evaluation, I realize that I've been feeling down for a long time. Pretty much throughout my pregnancy with Levi and definitely since he was born. I can't remember the last time I felt as good as I do on my good days. It's been interesting to look back over the past year or more and see how this has evolved. Apparently women who have hard pregnancies like I did are more prone to depression. I can definitely see why. My hormones have been a mess for a LONG time now!
My goal in therapy now is to redefine what I think a good mom is for me. I've looked at so many other people's lives and what they're doing for so long that I don't even know what it means for me to be a good mom to my kids. What are my goals with my kids? What are my expectations for myself and my family? These are the things I need to work out in my head and in my heart to keep my expectations from going completely nuts again. What has God called me to do with my kids? That's the big one. God isn't calling me to do what every other mom out there is doing with her kids. He's called me to specific things with my children. My family is different than every other family. We have different backgrounds, different situations, and different children.
I'm so blessed to have a husband who is as wonderful as Justin. He has been so supportive of this whole journey, and will call when he's on his way home to ask as politely as possible if he needs to pick up dinner. You just never know around here if it's been a day where cooking dinner was even in the realm of possibility! I could not have made it this far this quickly without a husband who loves me and wants to help me as much as possible.
It's going to be a struggle for a while, I know, but things are looking up and I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.
Thanks so much for all your prayers for us. They are being answered!
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9 comments:
Thank you so much for the update. It is one step at a time, then one hour at a time, and then as you begin to feel better one day at a time.
I am can relate to what you are saying. Once I finally "broke" I looked back and realized I had not been myself for a long time. It kind of sneaks up on you.
God is so good though.
(((hugs)))
God is so good. What an encouragement to hear how He is working things out for you and lifting this heavy burden! And even in the midst of your own emotional struggles, you have been able to bless and give wise advice to me. I have to tell you, we are doing better, too! Thank you for your prayers. Again, God is good!
Still praying and loving you! Take each moment one at a time, each day one at a time and put one step in fron tof the other. With God and support you will be doing His work and teaching your children about God's love. I am here for you!
Kerri
I'm so glad to hear things are looking up for you. I was thinking of you and wondering how things were going just this morning.
Still praying for you, Marcia
God is good and I am glad that you are His child! We will continue to pray as you continue to work through and heal!
It's a joy to hear from you, Jen. Like you, I saw that dark cloud over my life only in retrospect; as the skies started to clear I realized it had been overcast for a very long time. The lovely thing about that is, the skies are clearing! :)
I'm glad to hear that you are putting on the blinders to see only what the Lord has in His will for you and your family. Comparisons are disastrous, even comparisons to what used to be "normal" for yourself. Because your family is different now, and normal-back-then won't be normal-in-the-future.
Praying still. :)
I am so thankful you are feeling better. I am glad you seeking what God wants for your family--and you are so correct--it will be different from other families!
LOVEYOU!!
Hi Jennifer - I ran across your blog through Victoria and actually went to BCS but after you left, so I have heard your name quite a few times over the years.
Anyway, I don't have kids so I haven't suffered from postpartum depression, but I have suffered from depression. And I just wanted to say good for you for putting yourself out there. It's a scary thing to do because there is no way to relate to those feelings unless you have experienced them. It's tough to talk to just anyone about it because many people think you look fine, so everything must be okay.
But I just wanted to comment and let you know that I commend you for being so open about this. And I wish you the best in your recovery.
Brooke
So glad you're experiencing improvement and that things are looking up for you. I know for someone as competent & intelligent as you are, it must have been so hard to feel things get out of control. I really admire everything you've done as a mom, and I know sharing during this vulnerable time may be tough. Thanks for sharing and know I'm thinking about you.
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