The Transition

I've had a lot of comments here, emails, and posts on my Facebook account that all say basically the same thing, "I can't believe you're doing so well in Singapore!"

Trust me, I'm a little surprised myself, and it surely isn't because of me. My God is BIG, faithful, and has been preparing me for this time for many years.

My friends and family and long-time readers of this blog know that I suffered from postpartum depression after the birth of our second child in 2007. It took me 4 months to realize I had PPD, and then it was over a year before I felt like the fog had lifted on my life. Then this spring I started having anxiety attacks (severe nausea) about our upcoming move. That year and a half, from September 2007 to May 2009, was a hard time for all of us, the darkest time in my life, and probably the roughest time in our marriage (because Justin had to pick up a lot of slack). My prayer this past spring was that I would be in a healthy place emotionally when we moved because I knew moving to a foreign country with two toddlers was enough to make a sane person crazy! God faithfully answered that prayer, and I feel better emotionally than I have in probably years. It's such a blessing!

And here are come cool ways God prepared me for this time:

1. I was able to visit Singapore twice - years ago, so I at least had a picture in my head of what this country we were moving to looked like.

2. I lived in Thailand for 6 months during my senior year of college, so I knew what it felt like to live in a foreign country...being away from family, missing familiar foods, etc. I always thought my time there was preparing me for foreign mission work, but it helped me to move across the world with two small children.

3. An amazing family moved here at the same time we did! God gave me a sweet, godly friend to walk this journey with me. And she parented toddlers several years ago, so she's also a great mentor! You're such a blessing, Andrea!

4. Last fall I received an email from a friend that said, "Did you know Camille lives in Singapore?" Camille and I went to the same church during our time at Texas A&M, and even though we didn't know each other well, we had mutual friends. And she has a little boy who is just between my boys in ages, so we were very excited to know someone who already lived here. I'm still amazed that we ended up in this tiny country at the same time! God is so cool!! Camille invited me into her sweet circle of friends, and what cool people they are! It's such a blessing to have friends who are also expats and know what all that entails.

So, while I was just living my life, God knew this huge move was in my future. And for years now He has been preparing me step by step to make this transition as smooth as possible.

The love of my God amazes me daily!

"God's love is meteoric,
his loyalty astronomic,
His purpose titanic,
his verdicts oceanic.
Yet in his largeness
nothing gets lost;
Not a man, not a mouse,
slips through the cracks.
How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings"
~Psalm 36:5-7a, The Message

Were You Wondering, Too?

A friend emailed me recently and said something to the effect of, "Your blog sounds like you're doing great, but how are you really doing?" (Thanks, Lisa!) I emailed back and told her that was definitely an email from someone who's lived on the other side of the world before, and someone who also currently lives away from her family. :-)

So, in case you were wondering how I'm really doing, too, here it is.

I'm actually doing well. :-) I do have a tendency to protect my family from any sadness and hard times I might feel by not going into tremendous detail, especially when they are so far away and can't do a thing about it!

I do have moments/sections of days that are really sad. I miss my family so much. I miss my friends so much. I miss loading my kids in the car, driving to Target, strapping them both in a basket, and walking around getting the things I need. And knowing where those things are in the store.

I'm tired of carrying Levi on my back everywhere we go (unless Justin's with us, then he does it). I'm tired of going to the grocery store and only being able to get as much as I can carry with a child on my back and chasing after a straying 3-year-old.

We're finally moving out of that stage where it feels like a vacation. We've been here for 3 1/2 weeks now, so the reality of it all is starting to sink in.

But, overall, I'm really glad to be here. Honestly. I'm in a very healthy place emotionally and mentally, which is what I prayed for so often last Spring when I wasn't. And what so many people have been praying for me!

Do I wish I could call my mom 4 times a day and ask her any number of questions and tell her random things the boys are doing? Yes! Do I wish I was going to be there when my sister goes into labor sometime in the next few weeks? Of course! Do I wish I could go get Sonic Jr. Candy Sundaes and go hang out with my friend, Kim, and her sweet kids? You betcha!

But that's where we're at right now, and I'm okay with that. God has really blessed us and given us friends here already that care about us and are going through this experience at the same time. We definitely feel protected and loved. And we are!

So, thanks for all your concern, spoken or not. I'm sure things will get harder in some ways and easier in others. There will still be sad times about things I'm missing back home, and there will be special things we'll experience here that never would have been possible there.

And did you know that you can fly from Houston to Singapore for under $700. It's true. :-)

Come see us! We have a guest room that we'd love to fill anytime!

Our First Worship Service in Singapore

This morning we went to church for the first time here as a family (since Justin and I have both been to church here in years past). We took the walk to the MRT station, rode the train, and then walked to the church. A walk Justin had advertised as a 5-10 minute walk. Oh, he has a lot to learn about being in Singapore with a family. About 15 minutes and two VERY cranky kids and a VERY sweaty wife later, we arrived at church. We were late, but thankfully they do not start on time.

When we sat down and started singing, I was so glad to be back in an Asian church. The singing was beautiful and we even sang one of my favorite worship songs, "In Christ Alone." Their voices were so full and beautiful and the room just echoed with praise.

And then all chaos broke out as our two kids started behaving like we haven't seen them behave in a long time. They were AWFUL! They whined, cried (both of them), screamed a little, and just generally ruined the worship for most everyone around us. And if you don't believe me about how awful they were, here are the comments we got after church (from some of the sweetest, most gracious people you'd ever meet):

"Don't worry. We all (the people in the two rows behind us) have two boys. We understand."

"How old is he (Levi)? Yeah, I thought he was in his twos." ;-)

"Are they jet-lagged still?"

So, needless to say we didn't stay for Bible class since it was 11:15 and Levi had been up since 6:30 (AGAIN!). We tried to get a taxi, but couldn't find one that would stop, so we made the sweaty walk back to the mall to grab some fast lunch and GO HOME for naptime. The kids and I all took naps, and if you know Caleb, you know he doesn't nap EVER. We're all pretty tired.

Even though the kids were cranky, I loved being in church today. It was a small church and the people were incredibly sweet. We had so many offers to help in any way...keep our kids, help us find our way, etc. Hopefully our next church experience will be better for everyone involved.

The "Mommer"

"Mommer" is what Caleb calls his pacifier. Yes, he's 21 months old and we still let him have a pacifier (only when he sleeps). Before I had kids this was one of those "things" my children would NEVER do. A child walking around with a pacifier! Hmph. Well, as we all know, having children promptly kicks you off your high horse about any of these types of issues. I know the experts say they shouldn't have a pacifier past 15 months...blah, blah, blah. I know.

Part of the problem is that Caleb doesn't have anything else that he's attached to. I have put the same stuffed animals and blanket in his bed almost since his birth. He could care less about any of them. He's not attached to any sort of "lovey." Except the "mommer."

We have no idea why he started calling it a "mommer." We have always called it a pacifier or a paci, but he has affectionately named it his "mommer." Maybe because it sounds like "mommy" and he loves his mommy so much and she is so comforting to him. Yeah, we'll go with that.

I got pregnant when Caleb was 15 months old, the last possible date at which the experts say a pacifier should be used. And, as has been well-documented on this blog, the next 5 months I was practically incapacitated with nausea and vomiting. We decided this period of time was NOT the appropriate time to try and take away the pacifier because I just couldn't deal with that and the nausea, too. We needed to retain all sense of comfort and normalcy that we could since mommy wasn't at her best during those months.

So. We've reached that time where we're overdue to get rid of the thing and he's terribly attached to it. We want it gone before the baby gets here and he tries to steal the baby's pacifier for his own.

I expect there to be much wailing and gnashing of teeth over the loss of the "mommer." I know some kids get rid of it themselves or never grow very attached to it at all. Caled came out of the womb with a suck blister on his wrist. The nurses asked me as soon as they could if we might permit Caleb to have a pacifier. Once I had nursed him a couple of times, I agreed, and everyone (especially Caleb) was a lot happier. It's always been his comfort.

I'll let you know how it goes.

(And, for the record, because I always feel like I'm defending the fact that Caleb still has a pacifier, mostly to myself because it's been drilled into my head that he shouldn't still have it, kids who are thumb-suckers go way past 15 months. I'm just sayin', no judgments.)