Still Here.

I wrote this post back in January.

I still struggle with those things today.  Being present in this moment and not worrying about or wishing for the future.

My friend, Andrea, posted this video on Facebook today.  I'm working on truly being here today.



BE HERE NOW from blaine hogan on Vimeo.




 

The Hard Questions

Yesterday during school, I was playing some music (the boys and I all had a song in our heads that I was trying to replace).  A song was playing that references 2 Corinthians 5:17, "if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation."  Caleb asked me, "what is a new creation?"  We talked about how Jesus changes you after you decide to follow Him, and then Caleb asked, "Will I have to leave this house to follow Jesus?"  He was confused about whether or not he would have to move out and leave us if he decides to be a follower of Jesus. His question was about the immediate, but I had a hard time telling him "no," since we never know what our Christian faith will require of us.  God wants us to completely rely on Him for our provision and for our future, but, thankfully, He always goes before us and will never leave us nor forsake us.

Our kids know that just because Mommy and Daddy are Christians does not automatically mean they are Christians.  It is a decision they will have to make on their own, and Caleb understands this.  He said to me, "I'll decide that when I'm 18."  I just smiled and looked at my 6-year-old who is beginning to understand what it means to be a Christian.

Later in the night, we were all sitting on the living room floor, and I was telling Justin about Caleb's questions.  Caleb had more questions for his Daddy.  "Is it hard to be a Christian?"

Whoa.  I think we both sighed a little because how do you explain to a 6-year-old that, yes, it's hard but it's worth it?  We told him that life is hard because we live on earth, but that as Christians we have the Holy Spirit to guide us and comfort us and give us peace.  Then he asked a question that was really hard to answer.

"Can people who are Christians decide not to be Christians?"

Yikes.  He certainly wasn't asking for, nor were we wanting to get into, the once saved, always saved debate.  :-)

In his childlike way, he's questioning what it will cost him to follow Jesus.  And it will cost him.  I'm so glad he recognizes that already.

But it is so worth it.

Think Before

Tonight during "think before" (that's Levi-speak for "thankful for"), I told the boys they could list one thing they're thankful for. It usually turns in to a five-minute list of everything they can think of or see in front of them (pajamas, curtains, beds, stuffed moose, light, air conditioner, toy car, train, window, etc.). All of those are wonderful things to be thankful for, but I just wasn't in the mood to go through the entire list tonight. I just wanted them to list one thing, and I was sure it would be one of the little toys they were holding.

Levi's one thing tonight: Jesus made the waves stop (we read the story of Jesus calming the storm today)

Caleb's one thing: Jesus died on the cross

These kids amaze me sometimes. Before bed Caleb was telling me how Jesus and God both loved him so much. Then we started talking about how Jesus and God are the same but separate but the same...and then I decided trying to explain the Trinity to a five-year-old might be a little much!

I love them SO much!

Some Thoughts about Some Things

Here's a peek into our lives lately (warning: random thoughts ahead):

-When I get into a taxi with the boys, 9 times out of 10 the taxi driver asks me if they are twins. They are always surprised when I say no. And then they ask if the boys are a year apart. Again they are surprised when I say they are two years apart and Levi is only two years old.

-About 5 minutes after our floors have been vacuumed and mopped, the boys will spill something that has 10.2 million crumbs on it and it will have to be re-vacuumed. (We vacuum our marble floors because it gets more of the crumbs/hair than sweeping. And it's a LOT faster!)

-Every time we get out of a taxi and it drives off, Levi asks, "Where taxi going?" Every time. And every time I say, "to pick up someone else." Sometimes I feel like my life is set on repeat.

-I went to a clothing website today to look at a blouse. I clicked on "Sizing Chart" and found this information: "Please be aware that our clothing is Contemporary sized which runs small. Please refer to the following size chart below." That is code for nothing here will fit you, move on. I wonder how many other stores are going to "contemporary" sizes. Hmpf.

-Levi is showing us that he's ready to start potty training. If we ask him if he needs to go, he'll say yes, but he's unable to recognize this before he needs to go. We're not stressing about it, but just letting him get used to the idea. This is about the same age that Caleb potty-trained.

-I've had really amazing conversations about faith with more than one person this week. God is doing some cool stuff.

-I'm reading Donald Miller's Blue Like Jazz and several other books right now.

That is all. :-)

Acting surprised when God doesn’t seem close

I encourage you to read this short post. So much truth!

Acting surprised when God doesn’t seem close.

"Let’s put aside our surprise. Let’s stop pretending. Faith is a day by day, decision by decision, breath by breath kind of thing. And when we spend those days indulging in poison, we get poisonous lives."

Hard to argue that one.

My New Favorite Song

Note: There are a few graphic images of the crucifixion...if you have little ones with you, you might want to wait.

Edited to Add: It's "God With Us" by Mercy Me. Just beautiful!

Where God Go?

We've been giving Caleb money to put in the collection basket at church on Sunday mornings. Yesterday, we were explaining to him before it came around that when we put money in the basket, we're giving that money to God.

When the guy came to pass us the basket, Caleb looks at him and says really loudly, "That's God?"

Ummm. Not exactly. ;-)

When the guy walked to the rows behind us, Caleb says equally as loudly as he's looking around, "Where God go?"

Everyone around us got a good chuckle.

I love the innocence of a little one's mind!

Silence and Stillness

Ann, who always inspires me when I read her writing, had this quote at her place yesterday.

"Silence is imperative...

We are going to be quiet with One who has everything to tell us...

His voice is so still, His deepest contacts so imperceptable,

that only in quiet can we perceive them.

The Holy Spirit educates us in inner stillness,

and it for lack of this that most spiritual lives are

so crude & shallow & vague."

~Evelyn Underhill

There is little or no silence and stillness in our house these days. There is much noise. Whether it's crying from the baby, screaming/talking/fussing/laughing from Caleb, the CD player or TV providing background noise (as if we need it), or my own head full of thoughts, quiet is hard to find. I'm craving that right now. My relationship with God is feeling crude and shallow and vague these days. I have a million excuses for not spending time with Him, and, of course, at the top of that list is that I'm so very tired.

But I need to spend time with Him. I'd be less tired. I'd be able to handle Caleb's tantrums better and with more patience. I'd be a better friend/neighbor/sister/daughter/wife/mother.

Since Levi decided our day was starting at 6am this morning after being up every two hours, I was reading in my Daily Light book while I ate breakfast. Today's Scriptures were all about being satisfied in Him.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled." ~Matthew 5:6

"He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness." ~Psalm 107:9

"How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God! Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings. They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house, and You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures. For with You is the fountain of life; in Your light we see light." ~Psalm 36:7-9

Today I seek quiet moments with Him.

Joo Joo Jesus

We've been saying the same basic prayer with Caleb before he goes to sleep at night for some time now. He even knows the drill...after we change his diaper, brush his teeth, and turn on the fan, it's time for "pairs," as Caleb calls them. In the last few weeks, he's been able to repeat little phrases after us, which is really precious. It goes something like this:

Us: Dear God
Caleb: Dear God
Us: Thank you for mommy
Caleb: joo joo mommy
Us: Thank you for daddy
Caleb: joo joo daddy

joo joo Jesus

...and so on.

We're not sure why he doesn't say "thank you" correctly when he prays since he knows how, but it's pretty cute!

This week he's been able to say his nightly prayer without much prompting from us. Last night he even added a new one to our list all on his own:

"joo joo Levi."

Melt my heart. He's gonna be a great big brother.

In other news, we went to the airport this morning. That was hard. Caleb did fine since he doesn't know how long his Daddy will be gone; he just thinks he's going to work (which he is), but it was especially hard for Justin. He feels so guilty for leaving us, especially at this point in my pregnancy. I'm going to stay with my mom for a week, against the wishes of my doctor (who's really strict about travel during the 3rd trimester). We appreciate your prayers for us.

The Fruit of the Spirit

I'm humbled that someone nominated this blog to receive The Fruit of the Spirit graphic.

Trish at An Ordinary Life Artist says this about the graphic: "There are many blogger and non-bloggers alike who have agreed to partner with me in recognizing and honoring those whose writings, postings and lives exemplify how God works in and through His people. When we recognize Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit resides within us. It is the Holy Spirit who produces fruit in our lives ~ but He has also given us the honor and the duty of recognizing the fruit in other believers."

This girl (and this blog) are definitely a work in progress...God is refining me every single day. I'm honored that you choose to come here and see what He's doing in our lives.

I'm so blessed.

Signs

Joy asked what kind of signs we have around our house. I love having Scripture on the walls to encourage our family and anyone else who comes into our house. I'm hoping to have a friend of mine paint a Scripture on the nursery wall later this summer (once we actually get the room painted!).

These two hang above our cabinets in the kitchen:



This one is on the wall beside our dinner table:


On a shelf in our entryway:


By the computer, above our "The Voice of the Martyrs Prayer Map":

A Royal Priesthood

Much-needed inspiration and motivation for today's mothering tasks...

“But you are… a royal priesthood…that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who has called you out of the darkness into his marvelous light” (1 Peter 2:9-10)

Ann writes today at Christian Women Online:

"So a mother consciously chooses to live out her priesthood as a believer, so that her children might be taught ‘divine things.’ As the Old Testament priest’s days carefully stepped to the beat of His expressed laws, so the New Testament everyday priest thoughtfully orders her days to the divine rhythms of Father’s heart. While the Old Testament High Priest wore the apron-like ephod, the New Testament ministering mother wears apron and holy habits. Holy habits of communing with God, reading and memorizing His Word, prayer, fasting, service, worship. Holy habits of putting on the garment of Christ (Gal 3:27 NEB).

The domestic priest cannot forcibly dress her children in holy habits, for these are not outward mantles of routines and checklists, but the interior attire of the heart. One can only clothe one’s own soul. What is a mother to do? She can faithfully adorn herself with her own ardor for Christ, her own daily, holy habits stirring the desires of her children, all the while thoughtfully laying out threads for young souls to take up in their own life’s tapestry. She prays and fasts and sings hymns and serves and loves and meditates on Scripture before her children. Then she creates space, stillness and opportunity for her children to also enter in. She lives so that each child feeds not on her devotionals, prayers or worship, but from his or her own. She kneels beside her child and helps him gather his own spiritual food with his own hands, rather than simply eating from hers."

May my own daily, holy habits stir the desires of my children to know and love Him.

Read the full article here.

Tree Musings

"Blessed is the man
who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners
or sit in the seat of mockers.

But his delight is in the law of the LORD,
and on his law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers."

~Psalm 1:1-3

sorry for the fuzzy picture

Looking Up

I hate to be overly optimistic, but I haven't had to take a nausea pill today, and I've kept down two normal-sized meals. That's definitely a vast improvement over the last couple of weeks. I even drove today (the first time since Saturday) so Caleb and I could go to Target and buy our neighbors a baby gift. And I'm cooking them dinner tomorrow, so you know things are better around here. It's about time.

I've been listening to this song a lot lately. I love it. I feel like God has been holding my life in His hands lately, and I've just been laying there. I'm so grateful. Enjoy.

Resurrection

I've been in a "spiritual dry spell" and/or "funk" for some time now, which may or may not be due to the raging hormones of this pregnancy.

I've heard this song several times on the radio, and today I realized why I love it so much. Because this is how I'm feeling.

I'm at a loss for words, there's nothing to say
I sit in silence wondering what led me to this place
How did my heart become so lifeless and cold
Where did the passion go?

When all my efforts seem like chasing wind
I've used up all my strength and there's nothing left to give
I've lost the feeling and I'm numb to the core
I can't fake it anymore.

chorus:
Here I am at the end I'm in need of resurrection
Only You can take this empty shell and raise it from the dead
What I've lost to the world what seems far beyond redemption
You can take the pieces in Your hand and make me whole again, again

Resurrection by Nicol Sponberg

I've been in the car twice today, and both times this song was on. I don't think it's a coincidence.